Conflict Resolution chapter 1

Study of Conflict Communication

• Conflict is one of the biggest challenges we face in our lives

• Occurs because there are deep divisions in society that carry over into our personal lives

• When a divided occurs we must look for bridges

-common bridge for barriers in interpersonal relations is communication

-first step is that parties must meet with each other to deal with their issues, find easy to understand each others POV on the situation

-by doing this they are able to resolve the problem and repair what was broken

*Sometimes it takes outside intervening to bring them together & help the communication

Nature of conflict

• Stereotypes of conflicts

-screaming

-yelling

-throwing dishes

-fighting

• A challenge we often encounter is that people are not aware of all the conflicts they have with other people

Interpersonal Conflict

• View conflict as two or more competing responses to a single event, differences among individuals, mutual hostility between others needing a resolution

• Some conflicts are not overt, apparent or open

• May exist even when people are not arguing or talking to each other

Interpersonal Conflict defined

• A problematic situation with 4 unique characteristics

1. The conflicting parties are interdependent

2. They have the perception that they seek incompatible goals or outcomes or favour incompatible means to the same ends

3. The perceived incompatibility has the potential to adversely affect the relationship if not addressed

4. A sense of urgency about the need to resolve the difference

• People who experience negative emotions become more evasive and equivocal

• Emphasizing interdependence between parties allows us to focus on the interpersonal relations

• Interdependence occurs when those involved in a relationship characterize it as continuous and important, making an effort to make it work

-Interpersonal conflicts occur with people who are important to us and who except to be/see in our future

• Incompatibility lies at the heart of a problematic situation

• Incompatible goals:

-occurs when we are seeking different outcomes; we each want to buy different cars but can only afford one

• Incompatible means:

• Occur when we want to achieve the same goal but differ in how we should do so; we agree on the same car but not on whether to finance it or pay cash

• Mismanaged conflicts could adversely affect relationships

-conflicts can make people feel uncomfortable when together, dissatisfied with partner and lead them to desire change

• The issue underlying the conflict has a sense of urgency

-reaching a point where effective management is needed sooner rather than later

• Relations generally deteriorate when we manage them poorly

The Inevitability of Conflict

• Conflict should be accepted as a fact of life

• Simons wrote over 40 years ago that conflict is seen as a disruption of the normal working of a system; conflict is seen as a part of all relationships

• Conflict is a common and inevitable feature in close social relationships we encounter at Home, School and Work

• Inevitability of conflict principle

-when conflict becomes increasingly more likely, hence inevitable

- as the relationship becomes more closer

1.more issues likely to occur

2.more trivial complaints become significant ones

3.more intense your feelings are

• As relationships become more closer it's more likely that conflict will occur

-more issues likely to occur

More trivial complaints become significant ones

More intense your feelings are

• Inevitability of conflict says that we can find people with whom we can share conflict free lives

• We should STOP trying to find perfect people & learn how to manage conflicts with those close to us

7 types of emotional, psychological,material resources that produce satisfaction in long-term relationships

1. Love~nonverbal expressions of positive regard,warmth or comfort

2. Status~verbal expressions of high or low prestige or esteem

3. Service~labor of one of another

4. Information~advice,opinions, instructions enlightenment

5. Goods~material items

6. Money~ financial contributions

7. Shared time~time spent together

Conflict Management

• Effective conflict management occurs when our communication behaviour produces mutual understanding & outcome that everyone agrees to

• Skills are not innate- they are learned

• Conflict skills are learned through practice

• Learning these skill will propel you in life

Conflict Management Defined:

-the communication behaviour a person employs based on their analysis of a conflict situation

-defined as communication behaviour bc behaviour can become skills meaning we can learn from our past

Conflict Resolution:

-only one alt available where parties solve a problem or issue and expect it to not happen again

Linear and Transactional Approaches to Communication

• One conflicting party (the message sender) many send any of the following messages to the other party of conflict (the receiver)

• I am not speaking to you

• I don't want to talk about that

• I disagree with you. I want to fight

Linear Communication:

-emphasizes accuracy about is what was received that same meaning as what was intended to the person (controlling, persuading,convincing, dominating) sender, receiver, channel, noise and feedback

-linear approach can be helpful you understand but it is a narrow view of communication

-linear limits our view of interpersonal conflict

-focuses on the END RESULT and fix the BLAME

-could damage relationships

Transactional Communication:

• Emphasizes managing and coordinating with one another

A process is dynamic, ongoing and continuous

-known as the exchange of verbal and nonverbal messages you understand ones another’s perspective & shared meaning

1. Both conflicting parties

2. Have a responsibility toward empathizing with each other

3. Avoid judgement

4. Keep an open mind

5. Welcome feedback

6. Realizing that they must both adapt to fix issue

7. Work together to create meaning Takes 2 people

Conflict Communication Process & Destructive & Productive Conflict

• Process is dynamic, on-going and continuous and not static, at rest or fixed

• Viewing objects, people, events and social situations as processes means that we understand

• Processes have stages through growth

• They have a history in which a distinctive pattern emerges

• They consist of change

Conflict Communication:

• A process of exchanging verbal and nonverbal messages in a conflict situation that starts with antecedents, moves through steps & end sin consequences

• -how we view conflict situation & conflict management behaviour

• Effective results of changing destructive messages into productive conflict communication

Process View of Conflict Steps

1. Triggering event

-behaviour that the parties in the conflict point to as the issue(saying something offensive)

2. Initiation of conflict

-occurs when the conflict become overt (makes conflict known)

3. Differentiation phase

-use constructive or destructive strategies presenting both sides of the story while escalating

4. Resolution phase

-those involve accept some outcome to the conflict

5. Prelude to conflict

-may occur over several months

*Process view assumes that we all have experienced prior to a particular conflict forms the group for the situation we are currently experiencing

Destructive Conflict:

-occurs when the parties do not manage a conflict in way that is mutually satisfied & doe sharm to their relationship

-when participants in conflict lose sight & hostility becomes the NORM, mismanaged conflict conflict is destructive

Productive Conflict:

-occurs when a conflict is kept to the issue and those involved

Negative Impact of Conflict

• Many conflicts fail to make it through all the stages

• One of the challenges is getting people to learn more about conflict management is that people do not like to use to word CONFLICT

• Conflict is almost associated with negative feelings

• Overuse terms to describe conflict

• Seen as painful

• Negative attitude hinders us to get through conflict

• Typically negative view of conflict is the idea that conflicts are painful occurrences that are personally threatening & best avoided

• Positive view of conflict where the effective conflict manager does not view conflict negatively but sees opportunity to resolve problems while improving relationships with those who mean the most in conflict situations

• Every Conflict Tells A Story

Civility-is an attitude of respect towards others manifested in our behaviour toward them

-we must be mindful of others around us & aware of the impact our behaviour has on them

Troester and Mester 5 Rules for Civil Language at work

1. Best words to choose when caught in an unexpected, emotionally charged situation are no words at all

2. Use words respectful of the specific listener to whom they are addressed

3. Respect the reality of the situation by choosing temperature and accurate not inflammatory words when commenting on issues

4. Use objective, nondiscriminatory language that respects the uniqueness of all individuals

5. Respect your listeners by using clean language all the time on the job

• Civility is BOTH a commitment not to do others harm and to do good for others

• Requires we come into the presence of others with a sense of awe & gratitude rather than sense of duty/obligation

Meta Conflict Perspective:

• Means that you can look back on conflicts you experienced and analyze what you did well, poorly & learn from mistakes