Chp 12: Interpersonal Conflict

BOOK: pgs. 177-190

PDF: pgs. 187-200

What you need to Know

• Define conflict

• Hidden agenda

• 4 problematic behaviors that create negative conflict between individuals (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling)

• Assertiveness and cooperativeness

• Conflict mgmt. Styles: Competing, accommodating, avoidance, compromising, collaboration

• 6 ways to use Dialogic Conflict Resolution

• 5 steps to solve a problem (1. ID problem, etc.) what we wrote down in class

Conflict

• Conflict - an interaction b/w people rooted in an actual or perceived disagreement

• Is a natural part of relationships

• Can foster growth if managed well

• Communication is both the:

  • Source of conflict

  • Remedy for conflict

• Makes management a challenge

• Need skill development to deal with conflict well

Defining Conflict

• Conflict - expressed struggle b/w two interdependent parties with perceived

  • Incompatible goals,

    • Hidden agenda - goals we keep secret from people while working with them

  • Scarce resources,

    • Create opportunities for disagreements

  • Interference from each other

    • The parties might believe the other is or will be, interfering with achieving the goal or acquiring the resources necessary to achieve the goal

      • Physical obstruction

      • Political maneuvering

      • Unwillingness to express or provide support for the effort

    • When you fail to provide support or encouragement, the other person might understand it as interference

    • Perceived interference creates a defensive climate between two parties, and a defensive climate suggests there’s some assault to defend against.

How we talk about conflict

• Metaphors for Conflict

  • “Conflict is a game.”

  • “Conflict is a bargaining exercise.”

  • “Conflict is a dance.”

  • People enjoy conflict as a mental exercise to achieve their own ends while outmaneuvering the other

  • Conflict is something to win and not work through, but winning the conflict involves subtler and less aggressive approaches.

  • The way conflict is described influences on how we approach disputes when they arise.

• Positive

  • Game, dance, exercise

  • Games, bargains, and dance require some type of strategy or movement to counter the other side.

• Negative

  • War, fight, explosion

Reasons for Conflict

• Parties have different information

• Parties have different interpretations

• Parties’ conclusions reflect self-interest

  • Confirmation bias - people seek out information that supports something they already believe in; viewing the world selectively

Factors Affecting Conflict

• Communication Climate - the social and emotional tone of a relationship. It’s how people interact with each other within their relationships.

Conflict Management

• Problematic Behaviors

  • Four horsemen of the apocalypse

    • Criticism - expression of disapproval of someone or something

    • Contempt - expression of insults and disdain for people

    • Defensiveness - a response to criticism; people don’t see their own roles and responsibilities in a situation

    • Stonewalling - withdrawing from the conflict

• All relationships have conflict

Conflict Mgmt. Styles

• Two dimensions

• Assertiveness (the degree to which your own concerns are satisfied) and Cooperativeness (the degree to which you attempt to satisfy the other person's concerns)

• Five Styles

  • Competing - trying to win the argument or to get the resolution you want

  • Accommodating - sacrificing your position and desires to those of the other person

  • Avoiding - you choose not to express a brewing conflict and make it known

  • Compromising - a lose-lose strategy where neither parties get what they want completely

  • Collaboration - finding a solution that allows both parties to win

Cooperative Strategy

• Focus on issues instead of verbal aggressiveness

• Debate and argue using probing questions or playing devil’s advocate

• Consider options and alternatives

• Consider the importance of the outcome

• Reassure your partner

Dialogue and Conflict Resolution

• Use description vs. evaluation

• Focus on solving problem, not controlling outcomes

• Be spontaneous, not strategic

• Express empathy, not neutrality

• Acknowledge equality, don’t be superior

• Be provisional, not certain

Key Terms

1. Conflict - an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving those goals

2. Hidden agenda - goals people keep secret from other parties while working with them

3. Confirmation bias - the tendency to look for and remember information that is consistent with what we believe or what we want to happen

4. Criticism - the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults in a person or behavior

5. Contempt - the expression of insults and disdain for a person, their behaviors, and ideas

6. Defensiveness - prevents a person from seeing their own roles and responsibilities in the situation and prevents parties from finding common ground when working through conflicts

7. Stonewalling - a complete withdrawal from the conflict, both physically and verbally

8. Competing - conflict management strategy that treats an argument like something to win, even if the other person is not happy with the outcome

9. Accommodating - a management style defined by a person giving in to the desires and position of the other person, thereby sacrificing their own position and desires

10. Avoidance - conflict management strategy that involves avoiding the other person, choosing not to express or make a conflict known

11. Compromising - conflict management strategy by which both sides sacrifice part of what they want while getting something they desire

12. Collaboration - the most beneficial of the conflict management strategies; its goal is to find a solution that allows both parties to win

13. Provisionalism - the expression of an ability to be flexible and open to different ideas